Letter No. 2

Disappointments to Suicides

Hari om !

I had heard that every normal being, at some point in life feels very disappointed and probably this is the stage where most of them give up and put their life to end. How can a person overcome this stage.

Disappointment is not an inevitability which has got to be there in anyone's life at some point in time. It is some thing which may not be really there at all, or may even painfully linger on continuously. It is a natural outcome of certain negative perceptions & values. Whenever that 'cause' is there the 'effects' have got to be there too. I agree that it can & does have some very disastrous consequences, so it is some thing extremely important which should be understood properly.

Goals & aspirations are a must for everyone who wants to make the best of his or her life. When inspite of everything we do not seem to attain our goals & aspirations then depending on the extent of thoughtfulness & some other such qualities the reaction is different in different people. Some who are in a great hurry & obviously not very thoughtful get dejected, while the others become more introspective & go into the whole issue thoroughly.

The first & foremost thing which one should remember is that 'the various fulfillment's & successes are for me and not vice-versa'. I am important & not they. Even if they do not come then also that which is really important is not lost. I am still there, and that is great. This 'I' is like a queen bee for which all bees are working so hard to get the sweetest thing they can find. That beloved, for whom all this was initiated, is still around. Moreover, however abstract it may appear, it is extremely important that we should understand properly that how does 'real' fulfillment come. Not knowing this we impose so much importance on some things outside that for all practical purposes we create a monster in our own bosom's. That thing which was for my own pleasure becomes so important that I keep dancing to its tune.

Even when we have a clear goal and patiently worked hard for it, without much success, then instead of complexes & dejection, one should rather try to see as to what has gone wrong where. Why have the notion that 'what I did was the ultimate, and it cannot be improved upon further'. If there is humility that 'I still have a lot to learn', then instead of dejection, the failure will bring about greater drive for deeper understanding. There is obviously something fundamentally wrong somewhere, and the fact that signs of dejection are surfacing shows that we are not aware of our shortcomings, but rather entertain an inflated & obviously baseless opinion about ourselves. Such a mind which is not objective enough to even see the real factors which are responsible for such state of affairs, but justs jumps to the conclusion of his or her own incapacities etc. in fact deserves to get that alone which he/she has got - failure. Getting success is not something which is bestowed on some people by lady luck, but is clear & simple 'intelligent' hard work.

People who are getting disappointments pretty often are those who have either kept a goal which is beyond their capacities, or have resorted to wrong means. If both end & means are proper, then the only thing missing is absence of some positive values & outlooks of mind. There is nothing mysterious about it.

Having built up the emotional pressure & pain of disappontment, it has first got to be released. The helpful practical tips for that are : See a person who is happy even without that which you consider to be so very important for the real fulfillment in life. In all humility realize that you still have a lot to learn. See a person who has got success in life. Try to identify the real factors which are responsible for bringing about success in anyone's life. Realize that life by itself is the most precious things, it has to be lived at all costs. Never impose so great an importance on any thing that this very life starts appearing meaningless. If painful situations are lingering on too much then remember that all situations are transitory and have to sooner or later end by themself. 'Even this will pass away'.

Today I know a few people who want to be successful in life, they are working hard to achieve their goals but are unsuccessful. We realize that it not in our hands to change the situation and even the fruits are not in one's reach. If this is so how far should we wait.

Obviously mere desire for success & hard work is not enough. Even if I believe that they really worked hard, then the only thing which has to missing is right understanding. This itself is enough proof of his insufficient understanding & state of mind, that some failures are bringing about such a despondency that the fellow is even thinking about ending his life. Great wisdom !

I do not agree that it is not in our hands to change a situation. The fruits of action too are certainly within our reach. What is required is right action & in a right way. It is not a question of 'how long we should wait' but to identify the right means and work 'intelligently' for it. Dedication to our goals and consistency of purpose have to be an in-built qualities for all times to come. Even if you dont get success then also learn to live happily without these extraneous crutches. That will reveal some real wisdom. Then you are a master of situation and not a slave.

If we do not receive the goals then probably we are heading towards the wrong direction. How is a person supposed to decide this, rather is it in our hands to decide this?

It could be possible that we are treading the wrong path. It is very much in our hands to realize this, but for that we should learn to observe & go deeply into a situation without letting any complexes. Have this capacity then not only you will be able to realize that intrinsic capacity & motivation which is already there in you, and for which you have been made, but also will be able to see what has gone wrong where. With a balanced mind one can see so many things including the existence of a supreme power, and the ways of its working. It never directly interferes yet helps & blesses. So have the confidence that there is a way out, and work to first bring about the right state of mind, with the necessary equipoise and then see. You will find the answer there alone where the problem is.

With love & om

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Letter No. 3

Brahmacharya & being Physical Wrecks

Hari Om !

I would like Swamiji's comments on the following query that I received. It was addressed to Swami Chidanandaji of the Divine Life Society but Swamiji is travelling a lot and will be unable to respond due to time contraints. On the subject of Brahmacharya I would like to have Swamiji's feedback on the following.

Well ! I am not a spokesman of Swami Chidanandaji or DLS, nor do I see any justifications of time constraints for clarifying doubts about such fundamental things in ones own devotees or followers. I can however certainly give my views on the subject of Brahmacharya.

Our sages say that we will be physical wrecks if we do not observe Brahmacharya. However many of the top professional athletes in the USA (and probably the world) have no regards to this practise at all. Last year Sports Illustrated ran a cover story about athletes who have fathered children by different women all over the country during their trip to different cities for their games. How do we explain the physical prowess of these athletes when Brahmacharya is not observed.

I have personally not read this in any of our basic scriptures that a 'person will be a physical wreck' if he or she does not practice Brahmacharya. If at all this was a fact then certainly what you write would have been relevant. The issue is completely different.

The very word Brahmacharya when grammatically dissected means 'Brahmani charati iti Brahmachari', which means that he who revels in Brahman is a Brahmachari. Thats all. Now, why does the fellow revel in this ? Because of his 'understanding' that the subjective essence in all of us, the timeless truth alone can 'quench' my thirst. That alone is the source of all joy. That it was delusion that I thought that some object, situation or person can really fill my heart with lasting joy. It is not that the sensual pleasures do not have any joy. They do have the capacity to help us bring about the joyful state of mind. But it is a fact that all sensual experiences bring momentary joy. All so called sensual experiences only become instrumental to manifest a subjective essence, even though momentarily. In moments of joy the person closes his or her eyes and is with himself alone. He experiences some thing which has been revealed inside. At that moment he forgets even the instrument which facilitated such inner unveiling. Now, if someone has come to know this then the natural repercussion of this 'understanding' is that the fellow will not look at the objects outside with thirsty Bhogi eyes. He has come to know of the existence of a permanent & infinite source of joy. He can afford now to look at the objects without bringing in selfish considerations of 'I want to enjoy this' etc. The prevelant meaning of Brahmacharya does not associate the above 'understanding' in its definition and gives stress only on abstainment of sensual pleasures or experiences. This is not the right approach, even the word meaning of the word is ample proof of this. In ones anxiety to somehow make people to follow such qualities sometimes the teachers are seen to give reasons which do not hold any water. What you write is just a classic example of this.

What I wrote above was from the point of view of the 'real objective' of Brahmacharya, but even if we see from the worldly of view, still I think some other reasons should be highlighted.

I would prefer to give stress on :

- One's ability to be a master of ones senses. Using them is no problem, but use your faculties like a master, not a slave.

- Make one understand that the real joy even in a sensual experience will only be when the two partners really love each other, from the core of their heart. Take your own time to let this love come about, then physical relationship will be something pure & satisfying act. Even Dhrama shastras affirm that. A person who just goes around having physical relationship with all possible women certainly has not found that which he is still desperately seeking. Such a person will always remain dissatisfied.

- Understand that it is 'love' which really matters. As a grahasthi we never advise anyone to stop physical relationships but let it not be 'the' important thing. Let it just come when you feel that proximity towards someone on the basis of mutual values, love, & perceptions of life. The proximity may lead you even to create someone like your beloved. Having physical relationships without any love is more like prostitution, and if someone likes that we are not bothered. We only pity how much they are missing in life.

So the issue is entirely different. I can understand the questions in a person who has been given this line of thought that 'if you dont do this you will be a physical wreck'. Hope I could answer your question. In case of any doubt please do write back.

Love & om

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Letter No. 4

Four Varnas

Hari om !

The personal detour was helpful to know you more closely, thereafter the discussion can also be more specific. I also came to know the reasons behind some of your statements in earlier mails. Do tell me more about your family. What does your husbands do ? Even though he may not be studying scriptures regularly, yet what are his outlook towards the 'importance of Self-knowledge'. He does seem very understanding and considerate, which is a great asset to help continue your subjective pursuits without any problems.

Now I try to look for rooted impressions and they do not appear many.

While it is always good to be aware of your deep rooted impressions, yet the word swadharma implies the 'broad overall thrust of the total deep-rooted impressions'. Four categories have been enumerated by the scriptures :

1. Those desirous of pursuing greater understanding of life. Such people feel satisfied even in simple yet respectful living. They live more in present, are sensitive to their duties & responsibilities. They are relatively more intelligent, creative, considerate & also fearless. They are called 'Brahmins', most suited to realize Brahman.

2. They are called the Kshatriyas. They too have high & noble ideals but have greater inclination to change the world, rather than themself. They do change the world as per their convictions. They have strong personalities, and their presence brings awe & hope in the minds of people. They are not really ego-centric, in their heart of hearts they want the well being of people. They respect knowledge and also men of knowledge, but do not feel disposed to pursue it by themselves. They want some pomp & show, grandeur & comfort too.

3. The third kind are the business types, called the Vaishyas. The thrust of their inclination is money & personal profit. They weigh everything, whether it is knowledge, social work, pleasures or even relationships, in these terms alone. They are more self-centered, but the most resourceful of the lot, and thus command a status. They are extremely calculative and consider changing colors as their cleverness. They are never too reliable. They are more fascinated by means rather than the end, of which they are not very clear either.

4. They are people who are not motivated by any of the above thrusts. They are called Shudras. They need to get direction for everything. They are the dull types. Their heaven is where they can get the best to eat, enjoy & sleep without having to work for it. They work best under pressure.

These are called the four 'varnas'. The thrust of ones activity should be as per these broad inclinations, then alone the best comes out. Even though these varnas can be changed, but that is not really necessary. Purity of mind can still be brought about, if some positive values are inculcated and there is execution of their works in a relatively more sattvic way. Even though the broad categorization of the inclination of people is in the above four types, yet they are not strict divisions, there are people who could identify themselves as standing in between some of these categories.

I can name only one which I formulated years ago - that I was looking for the most precious human knowledge possible.

That is the 'Brahmin type' of inclination and category.

Kids probably are my another swadharma, and that's why I am a woman ! If before my kid could play sometimes alone, now she only want to play together.

This is not an indication of specific inclination. It has to be in all mothers & fathers too.

Hope the above details will help you to understand you swadharma better.

Love & om.

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Letter No.5

Advise to a Youngster Going Abroad

Hari om !

1999 has indeed brought with it the beginning of a new life for you. I was very happy to know that you got the US student Visa, and your plans to leave on 5^th. My very Best Wishes & blessings to you. May your hard work be appropriately recognized & paid in US. May you lay the foundations of your new life, career & relationships there. So give out all you have and make the best of your life.

In order to learn to tread the life all by yourself, the first thing ofcourse is to have your own independent identity & career, and have the ability to face & handle all situations. But there is another very important thing which should never be ignored. That is about the man himself. This guy keeps bringing surprises, and thus keeps messing up things. So keep learning about the what's, how's & why's of this fellow called human & his mind too.

Potentially all human beings are good, but the ego-prompted insecurities & fears alone bring in lot of unimaginable problems. This is not only a fact applicable here, but is a universal fact, as you have seen yourself, so learn to 'see' the play of ego, how & when it raises its head, what are its consequences, and when are the conditions when it does not raise its ugly head. There are some good aspects of it too. This is something one should never ignore. It is a fact of life, so as & when possible keep learning about this aspect of life too, otherwise surprises will keep coming. Just because 'now' the problems are not there dont ever make the mistake that they never will. You all have gone thru & are in some ways still going thru darker phases. In my opinion these things come to teach some lessons of life, and I am sure you are intelligent enough to learn from them too.

Remain rooted to your culture and religion wherever you go. Sanatan Dharma basically means the eternal values of life. So get the best out of the wisdom of your ancestors and do not start with the discovery of wheel once again. Always pray to God. Remain connected with the ultimate power and be blessed.

With lots of love & om

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Letter No.6

Inter Religious Marraiges

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Hello … !

Ref your mail regarding inter-sectarian & inter-religious marriages Well! In theory there are no problems in such marriages, however there are certain practical aspects which should definitely be taken into consideration before you make this important decision of your life.

1.      As marriage is a life long relationship, having legal acceptance & bindings so presence of great mutual love & respect is the basic requisite.

2.      Even though it is a fact that even in arranged marriages there are aspects of both the persons which differ, so one anyways has to have the ability to accept & love other irrespective of each others earlier conditionings, nevertheless there are some things which should be common.

3.      (a) A common language in which one can express ones most intimate feelings & ideas is a must. (b) Both should share common values, vision & goals of life. (c) Food habits etc should also be preferably common. You should be able to not only eat but enjoy Khamans & Dhoklas for breakfast and she should be able to enjoy Parathas too. The conditioning of Veg & Non-veg should also be seen. Sikhs are generally very liberal in habits of eating & drinking, while Gujaratis are not. This is no rule, but a general fact. What is important is that both should be able to go along with each others habits & tastes. (d) As marriage is not merely getting together of two people but two families, so it is important that both should be able to get along with each others families, otherwise have the strength to live as per ones own conviction ignoring all reactions & rebukes from the conservative people of each others clan. It should be preferred that both of you get the necessary blessings from each others parents & other elderly people. Just because you want to get related to A, then it should not result in breaking your relationship with B. It is a must that one should have the ability to respect all relationships and people. A person who easily breaks one relationship just because some emotional upsurge has taken place cannot be really relied upon to continue this relationship for long. The moment such a fellow gets some inconvenience then he or she cannot be relied upon to continue this relationship too. (e) There should preferably be some cultural compatibility. You should be able to enjoy the social & religious functions together. Do not plan to live in isolation, because that is exactly what you are trying to eliminate through this new relationship too.

Hope you got your answer. Feel free to write back if u need more specific answers. Best Wishes,

With love & om

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Letter No. 7

Child & the Helping Hand

Hari om !

The scriptures too again and again reaffirm that not only assimilation of positive qualities is easy but even to awaken to your divine nature is not really difficult. All what is required is indeed firm resolve. I am happy you have that.

I would suggest you please go into the term 'swadharma' more deeply. It is a very interesting & also very important term. It should help resolve most of your queries. The permanancy of swadharma is certainly relative, yet as the roots are very deep even Gita has categorised it seperately.

I am a mother, and could say that squeaking often indicates kid's need for a kind helping hand. One time it can be a mistake, second time it may be a coincindence and after third it can be called a tendency and constitute a problem.

Hats off to the divine relationship between a mother & a child. As long as there is the same degree of intimacy between two people as there is between mother & her child, so long there indeed can be no offences, and unlike a child, not even squeaking will make any difference. If by the above example you are indicating your child like innocence and intimacy then I can assure that like a mother you 'will' get a kind helping hand, but if by this example you are indicating a child like helplessness to stop squeaking, then I would humbly suggest that instead of trying to tell others what should be their outlook, 'Please keep up your firm resolve to grow up. Even pray to God for all the necessary strength'.

With lots of love & om

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Letter No. 8

Love & Arranged Marraiges

Hello …. !

Both Love & arranged marraiges have their own risks. In love marriage even though there is a great joy to start your life with someone you know & love, but because of the fascination in love other aspects in life are generally ignored. In arranged marriage too, while the parents use their wisdom to see that they provide an ideal partner, but the boy & girl are very uncomfortably placed. They cant go back too, without causing unrepairable damage to the other. Personally I am of the opinion that mutual love & thorough acquaintance should be the basis of this relationship, but don’t hurry. If your mind is really ready all questions will end. If you can accept your partner without any problems or guilt, then others too will surely accept you - maybe in due course of time.

Basically it all depends on the strength & convictions of person concerned. If you have the strength to tread your way inspite of what anyone says, then it should be no problem. Regarding children, if parents have magnanimity, adjustability, intelligence & ofcourse love, and can tread together taking others too along with them, then the children too will get what they should. What is important is these above qualities & not the systems which we follow, at times blindly. Religion basically is a compendium of knowledge & practices to help bring out the best in you, not only here but also hereafter. It is a holistic package taking care of all round welfare. Religion can never be against real love, so if you really love someone then know this to be a religious act and go ahead. All divinity expresses with this love around. Weak people cannot love & therefore various things have to be told to them.

However, please remember, that if you really know how to love someone, then please let your love manifest even for your parents who have really shown their love for you. Love for one should never be at the cost of love for other.

Love

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Letter No. 9

Deciding Priorities

Hari om !

Children do need lot of attention. All conscientious people see to it that they are sincere to their responsibilities. Being a mother is one of the greatest responsibility, in fact what I gather from your mails even the motivation for your work is A, and rightly so. If a child gets good childhood then you create a good human being and nothing is of greater satisfaction than this positive contribution. Any other work can be done later too, but the childhood of someone never returns, so do give A.. your best. But I agree that one should always try to give justice to other responsibilities too.

Dear Swamiji, if there are several pieces of work to do, how do you decide which one has the priority?

Personally I just see as to which work helps others best and at the earliest, and of course in which work I am responsible and in which I am not. Personally I am pretty at home with my self and dont need any thing, my joys are the joys of others .

With lots of love & om

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Letter No. 10

Cultural Values & Self knowledge

Hari om !

I had recieved your mail few days back only. Some important organisational matters kept me very busy. Moreover there was nothing much in your mail calling for my immediate reply. The thing which brings me on my foot is topic of Self-knowledge alone.

If you do not have any confusions or rather questions then why should anyone bring confusions in you. Our aim is to facilitate you to resolve them & not bring them. If you feel happy with the way things are at present, then we are happy. May you be happy, that's all. Some people get some questions, for them alone is any teaching. If you dont have questions then all I can say is that if at all you do have some questions at any point of time then others may help you to sort them out.

It is immaterial for a student of Self-knowledge whether the earlier life of the person was in this place or that. Students of self-knowledge are bothered only with trascending time, rather than reliving some past. If you feel you have heard all this then I personally would be happy if the earlier samskaras help you take to self-knowledge like duck to water, otherwise the earlier samskaras will not only be irrelevant but also a positive obstacle.

Regarding eating non-veg. Well ! who says that people who dont eat non-veg do not eat because veg things alone die and not animals. We are very much aware of the ephemerality of all things, living or not. We dont have any such reasons in mind, and therefore there is no question of decieving anyone. As there was no inquisitiveness in your mail regarding knowing the real reasons, but only accusation of self-deception by veg-eaters, therefore I dont feel any neccessity of going into that topic. Others are as free to eat what they like as you are free to eat what you like. Nobody needs to prove anything to anyone. The question of decieving anyone is a negative thought. Moreover these topics are not directly related to Self-knowledge, but more with a certain culture. I am personally happy about our veg-eating culture.

Hari om !

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