Ego, the False Me

Swami Atmananda Saraswati

Ego is our second hand identity. A relative identity brought about by what people around think about me. Ego is our identity in relation to our position, status, capacities, knowledge, lineage, caste, country, and so on. It has nothing to do with my truth, but is all about what others and subsequently I too, think, imagine & project about myself - it is the false me. Ego is therefore always very concerned and bothered about what others say & think about me, because its very existence depends on what others say & think. Others can make or break the ego, because it is their creation.

A child coming into this beautiful world is ignorant about everything, everything is so new. With its wide eyed innocence it stares the people & things around. The child is ignorant not only about the world around but also its own self & existence, about which, however, he is hardly bothered at that time. Child has an unconditioned & clean slate, yet his or her wide-eyes reveal that he/she wants to know. The flowing love of his mother, the care, the embrace, the attention, the importance, all begin contributing in the process of the crystallization of his or her identity. The smiles & squirms, the love & hate of people around, all slowly & steadily contribute to the formation of an identity, positive or negative. This relative identity thus formed on the basis of the extraneous experiences & knowledge, is called the ego. Ego is inevitable too, after all, I will be called an Indian if I am born in India. The entire legal system too hovers around these extraneous factors. My family, caste, tradition, etc, all are a fact from the worldly point of view, so we will inevitably have an identity viz-a-viz these things.

What others think about me is one thing, and this inevitable identity, as I appear to others, should never be too much of a problem, however that is what it comes to. Almost all the religions of the world motivate us to go beyond this ego-centric existence, because most of the time this 'ego' becomes a synonym of bondage, suffering, seeking and grief. The reason of this is that not knowing our true self, we hang on to this relative identity as our real self. Ignorance brings a void, and it is filled up by what is the best available around. It is this ignorance and the subsequent error which is the cause of all our sufferings and not the ego per se. Even God cannot help, if the people around brand him as white or black, north or south, brahmin or kshatriya, right or wrong, etc., and mind you there is no problem in this too. Projections & imaginations never malign the object about which imaginations are being made. The truth remains untainted and unaffected, pure & immaculate. What the truth is, is one thing, but what I see & believe it to be is another. Our joys & sorrows depend on our perceptions are, so what we see is more important that what the truth is. So if we take ourself to be this ego, then we certainly have one of the most profound crisis of our life - the identity crisis, which is the cause of all the seeking, envy, imitation, blind following etc. The identity brought about by ego is always limited, it is continuously changing, and this is all very contrary to what our truth is, so we are never at home with all these untruths. We constantly strive to be bigger, greater, happier and so on, and all this just because we have erroneously taken ourself we be this relative, second-hand self.   

Once we take ourself to be the ego, there is no breaking the shell of limitation. Whether we attain the most scintillating pleasures & joys, or get recognition, we remain what we have taken ourself to be, a limited fellow. No pleasure or pain ever helps us to go beyond the imposed limitations. Whether we do some dynamic activity or keep all actions aside, yet we do not transcend the ego with these acts, of pravritti or nivritti. Irrespective of what we seek, sacred or secular, we continue to remain a seeker. The ego can never ever go beyond its suffocating sense of seeking. Ego-fulfillment can never be the way to efface or transcend the ego, it rather makes our abidance in the ego more firm. The more we seek, the more we seem to go further away from our goals, and the desperation and pain continues to increase. What is the way out of this mire? Vedanta reveals that we need to enquire and question the very individuality, rather than taking it to be real, and keep building our plans on the edifice of this relative imaginary identity. It is the very knowledge of the truth of ego that liberates us from the ego, rather than some unique or specialized kind of seeking of & by the very fellow which needs to be effaced. Any seeking is only after taking this ego and all its limitations to be real. 

Every 'goal' of the ego is a projection of all that which the fellow sees that it doesn't have. Experiencing a sense of limitation, we keep the limitless as our goal, which is seen to be something which is far away at some different time or at a different place. Experiencing the sorrow, we project a goal which is an embodiment of joy. The story in short is that, first we imagine things about ourself, and then based on this imaginations, we imagine that which is free of all this, and then pursue that projection (read goal). No wonder we continue to remain a seeker, inspite of all achievements. No effect ever effaces its cause, so also no seeking ever effaces the ego. Interestingly the ego visualizes a goal, has clear notion and understanding about it, and then prays to attain that goal. Whatever we project we may experience, but whatever we experience is nothing but our projection. All projections are limited, they are objectified and perceived by the mind. Clearer the goal, clearer is the objectification, and thus we first entertain a notion that we know, and then strangely say that we dont know and also want to know. A person who thinks he knows, knows not, because our real essence is not something which can be imagined or objectified by the mind. The truth is that which this very ego veils by its very existence, just as the imaginary snake veils the proverbial rope. Whoever seeks the truth away from himself is on an endless delusory trip, the so called samsara. When we see all this game clearly, and realize the baselessness of such a relative identity and his seeking, then this seeking stops & drops. There is no effort even to stop seeking, it stops at that very moment of realization.

We need to realize that the ego is a second-hand identity about ourself, and thus seeing this trick of the mind, we stop associating ourself with it. We need to stop bothering too much about what others say about me, and become more concerned by what I see and discern about our self. The moment we dissociate from ego, that very moment the ego stops becoming our identity, and that very moment we are free of all its limitations. When the very limitations are not there, there is no need to project any goal far beyond the horizon, there is no question of any seeking. All limitations, all seeking's immediately come to an end. It is this realization of the false as the false which frees us, and not any effort of the ego to be free. This is what is meant by the statements of vedanta that it is the knowledge of self which frees us and not any action of the ego.

A simple exercise for you. We may be so & so with reference to people, achievements etc around, but please ask yourself as to 'Who are you' when none of the things outside are present. You, not with reference to things around but you by yourself. What is your identity - not relative but absolute. Its indeed a priceless question, which has the capacity to liberate you from all the superimposed limitations & bondages. That alone is true Self-Knowledge.